April 13th of 2022
Day 103 of 365
Start Time- 12:21pm
Thoughts with NO DIRECTION:
"Thoughts with NO DIRECTION is a reflection of the last 103 days of this year. Thoughts with NO DIRECTION is basically me telling it all from A to Z with no real thought process or consideration to those who read this for how it's written and what's in it. So, enjoy the read, hate the read or well talk shit about it because we all know they're going to be some FAKE ASS BITCHES and yeah, I know who they are and WHATs going to be said that will complain."
Wow, in the last 103 days my life has CHANGED so much and so has the lives of my children. Some for the better some for the worse and there is nothing I can do to change that sadly. This year I've celebrated some birthdays so far and even mine were I turned 33. Yup that's right I turned 33 and learned that in those first few months of 2022 my life was going to change completely, and people weren't whom they really said they were. SUCKS for them. So, with no further ado let's banter about JANUARY 2022.
JANUARY 2022 *FULLBLOWN RE-CAP*
Durning the month of January I celebrated 1 month of being officially and legally divorced. I celebrated one of my son's birthdays along with my mother's and aunt's and my mother in law's. I also almost died in what could have been a way worse winter car accident. I got a small gig with the local DG but that didn't last long, and you'll learn further about that. My friendship with a gal whom I considered my sister started vanishing into thin air, largely on her part and again you'll learn more of that in the months to come re-cap. In January there was some on and off again fighting with my exes in regard to the children. I shared on this blog some meals that are family meals my grandmother used to make. And shared in on the fun of the winter bliss we had up here in MAINE. That was how my January went what was to happen next, I wasn't ready for. BESIDES THE BIGGEST BLESSING OF JANUARY which was finding out I was pregnant with my boyfriend's child and that we were going to be parents together.
BRACE YOURSELF FEBRUARY IS ABOUT TO GET ROCKY!
FEBRUARY 2022 *HAPPY 33RD TO ME & HAPPY FUCK YOU COVID-19*
Welcome to the MONTH of trial and error and pain! February started off just like any other month. I decided in this month to share with fellow bloggers that I was well PREGNANT. Yay, congratulations and all that fun stuff little did I know it was going to be one HELL OF A WILD RIDE. This pregnancy *yes still pregnant* didn't start out so easily. I got to blurb a little about Ground Hog Day which was cool to learn a little bit about that neat holiday. Started taking small bump pictures (honestly, I think it was more BLOAT than anything) Durning this month it was the true test of my love for my better half with getting him and myself a handgun. I had the money it was our valentine's day gifts. Although VALENTINES DAY 2022 was going to be different all in itself- especially since well I decided to do what my doctors said and that was go to the doctors the following day and get more bloodwork done, little did I know that I was going to be rushed into the emergency room and tested for COVID-19 and come back POSITIVE. YIKES, although it was the worst day ever because they had some scary moments with the fact that they weren't sure if I was truly pregnant, or my body was going to miscarry due to covid-19. They did call in a special Ultrasound Tech. to see if they could find the baby inside me because beside ultrasound couldn't. They were able to, and I did get a copy of the pictures. I was also told that there was just one and not twins so that was somewhat of a relief. But how does one battle COVID-19 and start their pregnancy. Easy you send out massive amounts of texts to all and everyone you've been around, and this is where the sisterhood/friendship died. I became the plague to everyone's lives. I was the burden and outcast. I was the problem and the worst things to walk the earth and people were hoping I was going to miscarry the baby and that if I didn't and someone else did, they'd be upset. WELL FUCK YOU BITCH. I didn't miscarry and we will get on to that later. I also didn't give a rat's ass how upset you where my life with my boyfriend who just happened to be your brother isn't of your liking if he and I decided if it happens it happens then oh well, we had been dating 5 months at the time. **Hahahaha it's the following day 4/14/2022 at 3:33pm and I completely forgot to finish this blog post. Sorry let me catch myself up and finish this while I bake a cake and make dinner...***& here we have it 4/15/22 and it is 2:10pm and I never read anything or finished this. I did however bake a cake while making dinner, so here we go time to re-read and finish this. No more slacking off!
Well, I continued to fight through figuring everything out in life making sure I was going in the right direction. I re-applied to CMCC and given a response of no I couldn't attend this summer but try back this FALL, so I said screw it. I figured at this point it was time to leave the PAST completely in the past and started looking at other schools and remembered that I had applied to SMCC same time I did CMCC and had already sent the required documents from my high school. I then started planning that aspect of my life out, looking for work else were and keeping up with all the crazy appointments I would soon have to deal with.
MARCH 2022 *ALMOST ALMOST ALMOST IDK WHAT*
I officially beat Covid-19, my demotion was in effect at the local DG, my hours kept getting CUT drastically. And I kept fighting with state FedCap which is a program that helps mothers who are on state assistance. Yes, sadly I'm back on state assistance. It SUCKS! I shared some stories of exciting days of our lives. From getting a new car, to getting the children much needed beds, to sharing about make-up I bought, to the newest addiction of mine that being GUNS, and well posting about what everyone was talking about and that was ME and MY PAST. Yeah, I have a past who the hell doesn't? But here's the kicker I own up to mine while other's sugar coat theirs and hide it or change it. I also didn't break up a relationship or cause problems for other people. I was playing wordle and quordle but stopped because I just didn't find time to do so anymore. I am growing more and more tired in this pregnancy and the morning sickness was kicking my rear-end. I continued doing appointments and doing what I was required of me for FedCap. It's a never-ending battle of pure hell with state assistance people think people on this stuff have it made and easy. I beg to differ as; March came to an end I got into planning my son's birthday party and being excited for my boyfriends. Even if he doesn't like birthdays and it's just another day to him. For a mother with children, it's a day to feel special and honored. Also, this month was COURT for my other son. A custody battle from HELL and back and we were told that we'd be notified by mail of the judge's ruling.
APRIL 2022 *Happy Birthday TeamPLJ and Happy Birthday Babe*:
Happy April Fool's Day! Well, it was my stepdaughter's birthday well my former stepdaughter's birthday. It was very different not planning her birthday party and being a part of her day this year. I focused on planning my son's birthday party so that his siblings could be a part of it, I drove to Massachusetts and got my cousin so we could hang out with my children or so I thought. I was happy to do my son's party and plan something small and nice for my boyfriend. I then started hanging out more with a mutual friend because well to be honest I don't have very many friends in Maine and all of my family is well down in Massachusetts. With the only income being TANF I never have much left over. I got completely registered for Summer Classes at SMCC and I can't wait to start them in May. Since April is just beginning come back at the end of the month when I recap everything.
"Sadly, by the time this was finished we were on day 105 of a 365 day year. The rainy weather had me down for the count and birthday's along with just life. It is not to often that I get to post something. I try"
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